Refraining from purging.

The last few days have been shit.
I've not been counting my calories properly and I feel like shit.
I'm simply going to have to refrain from smoking any weed, munchies = binge which completely makes me want to purge everything!
I haven't even smoked any today but I've just been picking and think 'fuck it' which means I end up like this. I say refrain from purging, at one point I had my head over the toilet, so messed up. I can't go through a phase of purging again, it completely wrecked my teeth, skin and relationships around me. I became so paranoid and running out to waste so much money on food. At one point I remember running out really secretively to go buy loads of food then sat in my room like the pathetic fatty I am, scoffing it all down. Then puking it all back up or taking 20 laxatives. God, I'm hideous! Seriously, frantically running to the shops to by laxatives when it shuts in 5 minutes.
I can't go through that again. It got me no ware.
SO little wine, cry and rant over.
Back to the plan, except I'm going to cut down all carbs to a minimum and I'm banned from food shopping until all my food is gone. No taking bank card out with me either! Plus I'm going to start getting up super early to begin jogging again, taking it slow seeing as my knees aren't the best. Still sticking to the HSGD but setting them more as maximum calorie limits.
I think this isn't healthy, but feeling like this makes me want to purge. I can't go back to purging. Just, no.